“She leaves a little sparkle wherever she goes.” – Kate Spade
In the 9 years since my mom passed, the void has been constant. Sometimes it is painfully obvious she isn’t there, like at my wedding, or the births of my kids, or for their many milestones. Other times – most times – it is more subtle, like when I hear celebrity gossip that I know she would love, or when I walk by a cute fancy boutique that she would have adored, or when I want to brag about some stupid thing I did that only she would think was actually fabulous. (Though I am eternally grateful for the countless times John, my sister, Barbara, Susannah, and Carrie have indulged my frivolousness and let me talk about myself, look at my new makeup, or check out my 100th ridiculous home decor inspiration collage) – I know I’m a lot).
Life is so good but everything is dimmer without her.
So this is what I do – I make things extra sparkly. I go over-the-top for every single holiday, every milestone, every reason to celebrate. The themed birthday parties and wasted money on decorations we are going to use once, the hand painted green footprints on the floor for St. Patrick’s Day, the themed shirts I wear for each holiday, the sketchy trip to some ranch just so the kids could ride a horse for the first time – it all helps. The celebrating and making a big deal out of little things really does amplify my happiness. I can’t control the awful parts of life, but I can curate the joy and sprinkle it everywhere I can.
Nothing could fill her void – she was the most special amazing mom and friend in the world. But she is now healed, and she gave me a LIFE to live. Doing the best I can to do that in the glittery way I know she would appreciate. So next time that you want to do something silly, over the top, and frivolous just because it would make you or someone you love happy – please do it and enjoy the sparkle 🙂
March 1, 1952 – June 26, 2011